Official site of Fast-Food Poet & Poet Laureate of the Principality of New-Utopia, Angus O'Mann.

Sunday, March 27, 2005

Wendy's needs a hand

Angus offers Wendy’s a hand.

The jokes have started, course they would:
Their chili’s finger-lickin’ good!
Their finger food is really fun!
Their burgers come in human buns!

Sales are down through Wendy’s system
As a fan I will assist them.
And urge them not to hide or choke.
They need to get in on the joke.

You’re in the news each day, don’t blow it.
Listen to your Fast Food Poet:
Launch a promotion that's a dilly:
Body parts in every Chili!

It’ll set the competition cursin’.
Collect ‘em all and build a person!
Bev got ankle! Phil got toes!
Pam got a nose that really blows!

Sam gave pinkies to sweet Bridget
(Her collections in the double digits!)
Jim got earlobes. So did Billy!
Lucky Sue got her first Willy!

copyright Angus O'Mann, Fast-Food Poet

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

Wendy's: Thumb's up

John T. Schuessler
Chairman and Chief Executive Officer
Wendy's International

Dear Mr. Schuessler:

I have been a great admirer and devotee of Wendy’s, both the girl and the restaurant, for many years now. I can’t put my finger on exactly why you are so much better, but I think it’s your human touch. I admire McDonald’s, and have tried to keep them from being such a behemoth (cool word), but to no avail. They come off like the stormtroopers in Star Wars sometimes. And I am moved by the deep sense of history and ties to the ancient culture of Taco Bell, and I applaud their bold nonconformist messages, like “run for the border” and “think outside the bun.” They are good, but you are better. You beat them by a nose, or more.

You are head and shoulders above the posers, the pretend cowboys of Arby’s, make-believe Pirates of Long John Silver, and the fake Tennessee porch-sitters of Cracker Barrel. Don’t get me started about Burger King! No, Wendy’s has the simple touch. It’s the little things, like giving more choices instead of just fries. And introducing fruit as an option to fries. It’s like that little red-haired girl really cares about us. I’ll still get the fries, but it’s a nice gesture.

I started writing some love poems to Wendy some years ago. My letters may have even been the inspiration for the Wendy’s Guy in your commercial, the unauthorized, self-appointed and humorously obsessed spokesman. Don’t worry – I don’t want any money if I was the inspiration. Not every one’s ready to sue!

I just wanted to offer my support in light of the recent finger incident, offer a suggested response, and offer my services as Poet Laureate of Wendy’s. Everybody knows it could happen to any chain, like the Kentucky Fried Rat incident and the nail in the Coke can.

I am enclosing a poem that contains my suggestions for a bold ad campaign and response to this finger nonsense. I’m also enclosing my first Wendy’s poem. If you find these engaging, I have a whole proposal that I can send you on the services I could perform as Poet Laureate of Wendy’s. It won’t cost much and will enhance your reputation as the only fast food company with their own Poet Laureate. Interested?

Angus O’Mann,
Fast Food Poet

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