Official site of Fast-Food Poet & Poet Laureate of the Principality of New-Utopia, Angus O'Mann.

Monday, November 14, 2005

The Ballad of the Cafe Cheezus (Part 1)

The EAT Café was failing since the franchise brands had come
The owner, Harlan, sadly put one bullet in his gun.
His customers had left him after oh-so-many years.
His prayers had fallen unto deaf or nonexistent ears.

The barrel to his temple, he heard a piercing cry.
He ran into the kitchen to the brand new fry cook guy
Who hid his face and shouted Praise! And fell upon the floor
For on a grilled cheese sandwich he’d seen Jesus Christ, our Lord.

Harlan took the sandwich off the grill before he burned it.
He couldn’t see the holy face no matter how he turned it.
The waitresses and customers then saw the sacred bread.
Jesus Crust had come to judge the living and the dead!

Across the town, country and state, the word like fruit jam spread.
The Lord had come a’calling on a piece of frying bread.
The young and old, the shy and bold abandoned work and play
To see the holy sandwich at the local EAT café.

The lowly cook then seized control, though it was his first day.
He told the owner, Harlan Krok, what he should do and say.
He told the crowd to form three lines: Cash, Mastercards & Visas.
Their entry fee included a free t-shirt: “I saw Cheezus!”

The people waited hours in the line both night and day
To kneel before the sandwich and for thirty seconds pray
“I saw his face immediately,” the righteous then would boast.
And proudly show the picture of them with the Holy Toast.

And when the lines grew shorter after many months and weeks
A human cry rang through the sky, the fry cook’s eerie shrieks.
He said he’d had a sighting, and all fell upon their knees
“For one low price you’ll see both Christ and Abraham-N-Cheese!”

They traveled there from many lands, some distant and some odd,
To see the Holy Mackerel and the Glory Be to Cod.
To see the famous Pope Tart and the Passionfruit of Christ.
The armored car came once a day, then started coming twice.

[This is an excerpt from the upcoming book "For Whom the Taco Bell Tolls by Angus O'Mann" Copyright 2005 Angus O'Mann all rights reserved. For information on purchasing an advance copy, please contact Angus O'Mann at]

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